


Lost It All

by thatscalledyes



Series: Carolyn/Andy [2]
Category: Black Veil Brides
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 16,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatscalledyes/pseuds/thatscalledyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carolyn had her whole life ahead of her. She was living her dream.<br/>One mistake and she <em>lost it all.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This time I'll make you proud

It was never intentional. He still loved Carolyn just as much as he had before. Life just got hectic and that was what life was about. There isn't always time to fit everyone in. But now that their new album had finally been released, they had a little down time before touring again. Andy was determined to visit Carolyn. He had kept her waiting for way too long.

Carolyn had taken his absence as his goodbye. She didn't really think she would ever see him again. She knew how busy he would be with the band and she had decided not to get her hopes up that he would return to her. Yet she did. Every day that passed without Andy was like a sharp jab to her still beating, broken heart.

"Carolyn, you got a letter in the mail." Her father had said one day after returning inside from the mailbox.

Carolyn held the ivory envelope in her small hands and noticed the return address indicated it was from one of the most prestigious dance colleges in New York: Julliard.

This letter in her hands would determine her fate. If the letter inside was an acceptance letter, she would be on her way to New York in the next few days. If it was an apology letter stating she was rejected from the school, she didn't know where she was going to take her life. Just like Andy only had his music to take him places, she only had her dancing.

As she tore away the edges of the envelope slowly, her nerves were eating her away from the inside out. If this letter didn't say she was accepted, her life would be over.

Her eyes glided over the cold, solid black letters printed neatly on the page. Her mouth dropped open and she could feel the tears coming on.

"What? What does it say?" Her father pressed.

"I... I got in!" She exclaimed, still not believing that she was one of the only twelve girls that had been accepted into the college. On average, Julliard only accepted twelve girls and twelve boys into their freshman class.

"Honey, this is fantastic!" He embraced her in such a tight hug that he lifted her off the ground and spun her around twice before putting her back down. At that moment in time, her father had never been that proud in his entire life. This had truly been a blessing from Carolyn's mother above.

"I need to start packing. I need to start practicing. I need to stretch and I need to work on my skills. I haven't really danced since..." She trailed off. Her mind wandered to Andy. "Since Andy left..." She finished.

"You better start that packing. I'll drive you to New York in a few days." Her father informed. Carolyn nodded and headed off towards her room. "Oh, and sweetie?" He stopped her briefly. "I'm very proud of you for doing something you love to do and chasing after your dreams. That's the girl I raised."

Carolyn smiled and hurried up to her room to start her packing.

\---

For Carolyn's dad, living alone had been a big transition for him. He no longer had the clunk of ballet shoes against the floor of Carolyn's room upstairs. He couldn't stand at the window in the kitchen and watch his beautiful daughter express herself in the best way she knew how.

Everything was silent except for the occasional creak of the old house. The house was empty. Everything felt desolate.

As Carolyn's father wandered around the empty house one day, he heard an unusual new sound. It was someone knocking on the door. He cautiously made his way to the front door and opened it to see the very last person he ever expected to be standing on his front step.

"Hi, Mr. Monroe. Is... Is Carolyn here?" Andy stood awkwardly on the front step.

He pouted. "I'm sorry Andy. Carolyn isn't here anymore..." He informed.

"Oh my god..." The worst possible thoughts flooded Andy's mind in that instant second. He began to think that he had been too late. His constant absence drove her to suicide. "I'm... I'm sorry..."

"Oh, no, Andy. It's not what you think." Carolyn's father chuckled slightly. "Carolyn is in New York. She got accepted to Julliard on a full dance scholarship. If you want to see her, that's where you would find her. But... Maybe you should just let her be. I know you two loved each other very much but... she's living her dream and your living yours. I just don't want you to fuck things up for her." Those had been some of the harshest words he had ever said to Andy and Andy was taken aback.

"I'm sorry you think I'm going to 'fuck things up' for her. I just... I just wanted to see her." Andy said.

"I know, Andy. I know. I just don't want Carolyn to make a mistake and ruin her life and her future forever." Carolyn's father explained.

He had a good point. Carolyn was going to have to be completely committed to her dancing if she wanted to some day join a famous ballet company. But Andy didn't care. He was going to see her whether anyone liked that or not.


	2. There is a hell, believe me I've seen it

"Croisé devant, fifth, plié, chassé, pas de bourrée, échappé, jeté, jeté, glissade, piqué turn and fifth." Carolyn's ancient Russian ballet teacher spit out the words at them as they went over the combination for the thirtieth time that day.

It had already been five grueling hours of rehearsal and Carolyn still had one more hour of class left before she could return to her dorm room and soak her aching feet in ice water. Old Russian ballet teachers weren't the most lenient, that's for sure.

"No stopping unless you're passed out on my dance floor or dead." Was probably her favorite saying.

The first week after Carolyn's first day of classes, she would get back to her dorm room and find blood staining her ballet shoes. She wasn't used to being en pointe for such a long period of time during one day.

Despite the pain, it was what she wanted to do. She knew that all of her hard work would one day pay off in the end.

"Carolyn." The old woman barked. "The piqué turn should be in retiré, not coupé. Fix it." She said coldly and banged her cane against the wood floor.

Carolyn winced at the sound and secretly rolled her eyes at the decrepit woman. She shook her head at herself for being so stupid. She couldn't believe she had made such a simple mistake. She glanced at the clock. Ten more minutes of torture.

\--

"Hi, my name is Andy. I'm looking for a pretty blonde girl." He walked up to a girl wearing a slimming black leotard with her hair done up in a high bun.

"You're going to have a hard time with that. There are a lot of pretty blonde girls on campus." The girl replied with an attitude and continued walking.

"Wait!" Andy jogged after her. "She dances. Her name is Carolyn? Ring a bell?"

"Ooohhh. Carolyn. Yeah, I know her. We take ballet one together." The girl informed. "But she's 'so advanced' that she gets to take pointe two with the sophomores and juniors." The girl mumbled enviously.

"Yeah, anyway," Andy pushed the girl's envy aside. "I'm looking for her. Do you know where she is?"

"She has class with Madam Petrova right now. I suggest not interrupting that class. Madam Petrova will most likely behead you with her cane if you ever interrupt her ballet class. Although it's almost two o'clock now, right? She should be done soon. Her dorm room is in that building right over there." The girl pointed to the building right across from them. "Room 278. It's on the second floor. You should be able to find it pretty easily. She leaves a spare key under the mat if you want to get in and wait for her inside. I'm assuming you're her secret boyfriend?"

Andy furrowed his eyebrows. "'Secret' boyfriend?"

"Yeah, secret." The girl said as if Andy should know what that meant. "We're not allowed to have relationships if you're in the 'orthodox ballet' as we like to call it. Ballet all the time. No exceptions and especially no relationships."

"Sounds... Nazi-like." Andy commented. "Is this a college or a concentration camp? Honestly..."

The girl laughed. "Yeah, we seem to be pretty restricted here. But it's what we get for wanting to be ballerinas. Well, I hope you find Carolyn. I have to get to my next class." The girl said goodbye to Andy and continued on her way.

Andy made his way to the dorm building where he planned to surprise Carolyn when she got back from class. It sounded like she was definitely going to need this surprise.

\--

Carolyn trudged up the stairs to the second floor where her dorm room was. That had been the most brutal class of them all so far and it was only October.

When she went to place her key in the lock, she noticed the door was already unlocked. That was strange. Her roommate was at a dance competition in California. There was no possible way she could be home already. She stood there debating with herself on whether she should enter or not. What if someone had broken in and was waiting for her to get home so they could kill her? But then she started to think being murdered would be much better than going back to Madam Petrova's class tomorrow.

She opened the door slowly to find all the lights in the dorm room were off including the ones she always left on. Her hand glided against the cold wall in search of the light switch. When she found it, she flicked on the lights and dropped her dance bag on the floor when she saw who was standing in her tiny hallway.

"Andy!" She exclaimed and ran towards him despite how much her feet were screaming at her to sit down.

He wrapped her in his arms and picked her up, spinning her around once before putting her back down. "I missed you." He said into her ear. His deep voice was like sweet melted butter. How she had missed that voice.

"What are you doing here in my dorm room? In New York?" She smiled the brightest she ever had. Just seeing his face made her feel complete again.

"I went to your house to surprise you and your dad told me you were here. So, I decided to come surprise you here." He explained.

"Oh, Andy." She latched onto him again and didn't ever want to let go. She deeply inhaled the sweet scent that lingered on his body, intermingling with the smell of leather. She had missed him so much it hurt.

"So, now that I'm here," Andy began. "I thought we could have some... fun." He said with seduction practically dripping from his tone.

"I want to," She frowned. "But I really shouldn't. I have class tomorrow at six AM sharp and if I'm even a second late, the crypt keeper will put me through relevé drills... Those will for sure break my toes if they're not broken already."

"But please Carolyn?" Andy whined, putting on his best puppy dog face.

Carolyn knew she couldn't resist the look of his eyes when they were filled with sadness. She tried not to look but he lifted her chin so her eyes met his.

"An hour. At the most." She said.

We all know it wasn't about to last just an hour.


	3. Surprise

Andy stayed with Carolyn until the weekend when she didn't have classes. He didn't want her to think he just wanted sex from her. He felt bad that he hadn't been able to spend more time with her during the week but she always had classes. But all that time gave him the chance to throw together the best surprise he could think of.

"Carolyn, wake up." Andy coaxed her out of her slumber with just his sweet, deep voice.

"Andy, what's wrong? It's Saturday. I don't have classes." She groaned and rolled over, closing her eyes again.

"I know, but I just thought maybe we could go out and do something today." He offered.

She shot up in bed and smiled at him. "Really? We can go do something together?"

Andy laughed at her eagerness. "Of course. I know you don't get out of here much."

"It's going to have to be off campus and we can't be seen holding hands on our way off campus. There are a ton of sneaky kids who like to tattle on the students who have outside boyfriends or girlfriends." Carolyn informed.

"Okay," Andy assured her, laughing. "Well, go get ready, then."

"Okay!" Carolyn exclaimed before jumping out of bed and running down the hall to change into her clothes for the day.

"Wear something flexible!" Andy called after her.

Carolyn stopped running. What on earth did he mean by that? Where was he taking her that she was going to need to wear flexible clothing?

"This okay?" She asked as she stepped back into her room wearing black leggings and a gray Black Veil Brides tank top.

"Perfect." Andy commented. "Especially because I look exceptionally good on this shirt."

Carolyn smacked Andy's chest playfully and laughed. He laughed along with her as they walked out the door of her apartment and right into her roommate.

"Carolyn? Who's this?" The confused girl asked.

"Oh, um, Melanie... What are you doing back already? I thought you weren't going to be home for a few days..."

"We lost the competition..." Melanie stated. "So we didn't need to stay for the rest of it."

"Oh." Carolyn tried to rack her brain for something to say. "Um, well, I was just showing this boy out. He some how found his way into our dorm."

"Oh, okay." Melanie bought the lame excuse and went inside.

"That was close." Carolyn let out a deep breath.

"But now it's time for my surprise." Andy took her by the hand and led her to his car.

Carolyn sat back into the leather seat and waited as Andy got in the driver's side. "Andy, where are you taking me?" She questioned.

"It's a surprise!" Andy responded and sped off down the road.

After about ten minutes, Andy pulled up to the curb and got out of the car. Carolyn followed and walked around the car to join his side. He looked in front of him and sighed with content. Carolyn looked in front of her and almost had a heart attack. They were standing in front of Broadway.

"Andy... What are we doing on Broadway?" She asked skeptically.

Andy chuckled to himself. He obviously knew something she didn't. "I got you a private audition!"

Carolyn almost passed out. She couldn't believe Andy had done something so major like this for her. Her life was getting better and better with each passing second. "But Andy, I--"

He held up her dance bag. "Already got all your things ready to go. I know how much this means to you and I just want you to be happy."

"So that's why you told me to wear something flexible." She laughed.

He took her by the hand and walked with her into the building to start her future.Too bad she had no idea she was about to lose it all.


	4. You were so happy you could die

After learning all the steps, the choreographer left to tell the director that Carolyn was almost ready to audition. Carolyn was in a small dressing room just about the size of a small walk in closet. She stood in front of the mirror and gazed at her reflection. She went over all the steps she had just learned in her mind so she wouldn't forget them. This was a make or break moment for her.

When Andy's handsome face appeared in the mirror behind her, she let her lips turn up in a smile. He was exactly the person she needed to see right now.

"Andy, I can't do this." She said to his reflection in the mirror.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Of course you can." He encouraged. "You're an amazing dancer and you know that. You practically have this in the bag. And I promise I'll be sitting in the audience watching you. If you get nervous, just look at me."

She nodded. "Got it." She spun around and planted a kiss on his sweet lips before Andy led her out to the stage.

"I have to go in the audience now." He frowned. "But I'll be watching every step you take out there. You're beautiful and they will love you." He gave her one last kiss before they departed.

She stepped out from the wings and into the gleaming, white lights shining down on her. She walked out to center stage and waited for her next direction.

"Daaahling." The director said. "All I need you to do is state your name and the role you're auditioning for."

"Oh, um, my name is Carolyn Monroe. And... I just wanted to audition to be a background dancer. I'll be happy with that." Carolyn tried to hold her shaking hands still as she spoke.

“Modest, I like that.” The director commented. “Alright, dear. Whenever you’re ready.”

Carolyn took a deep breath to try and calm her racing nerves and nodded at the sound tech. The music began and she started twirling around the stage, trying not to think about how big of an opportunity this would be.

“She’s good, right?” Andy leaned over to plant the seed in director’s ear.

“Not the best. I’ve seen better.” He stated and Andy’s heart began to race with anger and fear. “But she’s good, I’ll give her that.”

He sat back in his seat and relaxed. He really wanted this to work out for Carolyn. She had encouraged him to continue on with his dream and he wanted to do the same for her. He just wanted her to be happy.

Carolyn stopped when the music did and felt as though she were about to pass out. She had given that performance her all and if they didn’t like it, there was nothing she could do. She really hoped she hadn’t blown it, especially after Andy took all that time to put this private audition together for her.

“Well, Carolyn,” The director began, shifting in his seat slightly and looking over the notes he had taken on his clipboard. “I’ve seen better.” He stated.

He heart dropped into her stomach and she knew this was the end of her dance career. She wasn’t ever going to want to dance again because of this. If Broadway didn’t like her, no one would.

“But,” He continued.

She got this burning in the pit of her stomach and she could feel her hope raising up with just the one word.

“You have potential.” He said. “I think if you worked with Chris a little more and then got with the rest of the cast or dancers, I believe you could keep up and make this show one of the best.

Carolyn grinned widely. This was probably one of the best times of her life. “Thank you so much!” She exclaimed.

“Rehearsals start at seven every day except Sundays. That’s your day off.” The director informed. “We’ll see you Monday.”

He stood up with his intern and walked out of the theater. Carolyn ran down the steps and into Andy’s open arms. She had done it.

“I’m so proud of you.” Andy said into her blonde hair.

“I couldn’t have done it without your help, Andy. Thank you so much.” A tear escaped and stained his jacket. A few more followed and soon enough, Carolyn couldn’t control her tears. She was just overwhelmed with excitement and shock.

“Come on,” Andy said. “Let’s go celebrate.” He took her by the hand and led her out of the theater.


	5. Down with the sickness

When Carolyn woke up that Monday morning, she really wasn't feeling good at all. She felt super nauseous and she knew she couldn't go to class if she was puking everywhere. She turned off her alarm and turned over in bed, attempting to go back to sleep.

"Carolyn, get up! We're going to be late for class!" Her roommate, Melanie, burst through the door.

"Melanie, please." Carolyn begged. "I'm really not feeling well today."

Melanie frowned. "Want me to take you to the doctor?"

Carolyn sat up in bed and felt a wave of nausea. "Actually, may--"

There was a knock on the door and Melanie's head shot in the direction of the sound. "I'll get it!" She perked up.

Carolyn heard the door open and a very familiar voice travel down the hallway. "Uh, hey, I'm looking for Carolyn?" Andy.

"Um, Carolyn? Why is there a really tall, skinny guy at our door asking for you?" Melanie actually sounded a little scared. Melanie was one of the only girls on campus who religiously obeyed the 'no dating' rule.

"Just send him in, Melanie. I'll explain later." Carolyn scooted under her blankets more and waited as she heard Andy's heavy footsteps coming down the hallway followed by Melanie's light ones.

When Andy appeared in the doorway, he gave her a half smile and walked in, sitting on the end of the bed. "You don't look too good." Andy observed. "Do you want me to get you something?"

Carolyn thought for a minute. It would be a good way to get Andy out of the dorm for a while. She had to explain Andy's presence to Melanie and it would just be really awkward if he was there for the whole thing. "Actually, yeah. Could you get me something for my stomach? It feels weird. I think I may have gotten food poisoning or something."

Andy nodded and stood up, walking down the hallway and out the door. As soon as Carolyn heard the door shut, she motioned to Melanie to sit down on the bed.

"Do you need me to take you to the doctor? You know you'll need a doctor's note for missing class today." Melanie offered.

Carolyn nodded. "I know but I don't feel up for it right now. Do you think you could get me something else though?"

"Anything." Melanie said eagerly.

Carolyn took a piece of paper from beside her bed and wrote down what she needed Melanie to get for her.

Melanie looked down at the paper with a puzzled look. "Are you sure?"

Carolyn just simply nodded.

"You know, I have noticed you were getting really thin lately..." Melanie confided.

"I just need you to do this for me, Melanie. Please." Carolyn begged.

Melanie looked hesitant for a moment and then agreed. She got up off the bed and headed down the hallway.

Carolyn turned over in her bed and closed her eyes in an attempt to get some more sleep. She really felt like complete shit. She hoped the nausea would pass soon because she didn't want it to affect her responsibilities for her Broadway show or her classes. Now that the dorm was quiet, she just needed Melanie to get back before Andy did.


	6. You said you're having a... what?

The door opened and Melanie's overly cheery voice called down the hall to Carolyn. It had only felt like minutes since she left but when Carolyn turned over and looked at the digital clock on her bedside table, she realized it had been close to thirty minutes that had passed.

"I got exactly what you asked for!" She dropped the plastic bag on the bed.

Carolyn sat up and looked at Melanie nervously. "Come with me," She ordered. "I don't want to go alone."

Carolyn gripped the plastic bag in her hands tightly and hurried to the bathroom with Melanie. If her hunch was correct, her whole life would be thrown out of proportion.

"Are you sure this is what's going on?" Melanie questioned. "I mean, are you sure you're not anorexic or something? You have been looking awfully thing lately and you know the less fat on your body means--"

"I know what it means." Carolyn cut her off. She really didn't want to listen to Melanie babble on and on anymore. She was already ninety percent sure that what she was thinking right that second was true. She didn't need Melanie coming up with other reasons.

"Sorry..." Melanie shrank back at Carolyn's rather harsh tone.

Carolyn secretly rolled her eyes at her roommate and looked down at the little pink and white stick in her hand. The oval in the center was still blank. "Take it." Carolyn said, handing the stick to Melanie. "I don't want to look. You tell me."

Melanie waited for the result to come up and smiled when the lines had finally revealed themselves. "Yay!" She cheered.

"It's good news?" Carolyn asked, hopeful. "It came up negative?"

Melanie nodded and handed the stick to Carolyn. But Carolyn's heart dropped when she saw the result with her own eyes. "Dammit, Melanie. You read it wrong." Carolyn was angered, worried, and scared all at once.

Melanie looked confused. "But two lines means--"

"I'm pregnant." Carolyn confirmed, staring down at the two pink lines glaring back up at her.

Melanie and Carolyn both looked at each other as they heard the door open at that familiar deep voice called down the hallway. "Carolyn, I'm back!"

Andy.

"What are you going to tell him?" Melanie asked as she saw Carolyn stuff the pregnancy test stick in her back pocket.

"He can't know. Not yet at least. I don't want him to know until I decide what I'm going to do with this baby." Carolyn explained.

"You have to get rid of it!" Melanie exclaimed.

Carolyn slapped her hand over Melanie's mouth. "Shh. Andy--"

"Get rid of what?" Andy stood in the doorway of the bathroom, taking in the scene of the two girls standing there; Carolyn with her hand still over Melanie's mouth.

"This awful stomach bug that I seem to have caught." Carolyn lied. "It's going to cost me class time and rehearsal time."

Andy nodded in agreement. "Well, I brought the stuff you asked for." He, too, held up a plastic bag just like Melanie had about twenty minutes earlier.

Carolyn took the bag from Andy and brought it to her room. Andy followed and looked her in the eyes when she turned back around. "Is there something you're not telling me?" He questioned.

It was almost like he knew something was up. "No-Nothing. Why would you say that?" Carolyn stuttered.

Andy shrugged. "Just seems like you and Melanie were acting really weird when I came in."

"Everything's fine, Andy." Carolyn assured.

Andy sighed, having to just believe her. "Well, I have to leave tonight." He informed her. "I don't know when I'll be able to come back and visit."

"It's okay." Carolyn said, much too quickly. "I'll be busy with classes and rehearsals. I'll miss you, though." She ran her hands down his leather clad chest. She was sad that Andy was leaving, but this was her chance to figure out what she was going to do with this new arrival on the way.


	7. Confide in me

Now that Andy was gone, Carolyn had the biggest decision of her life to make. Get rid of the baby or keep it. She knew getting rid of it would solve all her problems. No one had to know she was pregnant in the first place and it would have been as though none of this had ever happened. But then she thought back to what her father had told her when she was finally old enough to know. When he and her mother were still in high school, her mother got pregnant and decided to have the baby aborted. Carolyn would have had an older brother or sister right now if she had kept it.

She knew she had to make a decision before it was too late but she really didn't know what to do. If she kept it, her career would go down the drain. Everything that she worked so hard for would be gone. If she got it aborted, no one, not even Andy, would have to know about it. She could continue on with her dream.

She shook the thoughts aside for now as she got dressed to go to her classes for the day. She didn't want to think about Andy or the baby right now. It was all too much for her to handle.

When she arrived at class, she knew she was in deep shit with her teacher. She had missed yesterday's class without any kind of doctor's note to indicate she was sick.

"Decided to show up today, Carolyn?" Madam Petrova asked in her thick Russian accent. Although the woman was about 4 feet tall and hunched over with graying hair, she was quite scary.

"I-I was feeling nauseous yesterday morning, Madam." Carolyn explained. "I know I should have been here."

Madam Petrova looked over at Melanie, Carolyn's roommate, who nodded quickly to confirm Carolyn was telling the truth. Madam sighed. As ruthless as she could be, she did have a soft spot for her students.

"Alright, well, just line up at the barre for exercises." Madam Petrova ordered with a thud of her cane against the wooden floor.

"But, Madam!" Jessica, a girl in Carolyn's class, exclaimed. Jessica was the very strict ballet dancer that no one really liked because of how overly committed she was. She took everything way too seriously and just couldn't seem to loosen up. "She missed a class! She should have to do the relevé drills!" Jessica whined.

"The barre, Jessica." Madam Petrova ordered in her cold toned voice. Madam was definitely that teacher that took no shit from any of the students. She knew how students like Jessica worked. They would try and call out other students for their mistakes to make themselves look better. Madam Petrova wanted nothing more than for all her students to be considered equal in her eyes. She wasn't about to let Jessica call out Carolyn to bring her status with the teacher up a level.

Jessica frowned and shuffled over to the barre. Carolyn looked back at Madam briefly who nodded at her once. Carolyn smiled a little at Madam's effort to shut Jessica's manipulative ways down. Carolyn had never seen Madam act this way before.

When class was over, Madam dismissed the class but called for Carolyn to stay back. "Carolyn, I'd like to speak with you for a moment."

Carolyn got that fuzzy feeling of nerves in her stomach as she walked over to Madam by the stereo. "You wanted to speak to me?" Carolyn said nervously. She really hoped this wasn't going to be about her missing class yesterday.

"You missed class yesterday, Carolyn." Madam stated. Of course that's what she wanted to talk to her about. "You of all of the students is the last person I would have expected to miss class. Is something going on?"

Carolyn could tell Madam knew something. She didn't know if she knew about the pregnancy or Andy but she knew something. "N-No, everything is fine, Madam." Carolyn didn't sound very reassuring at all, even to herself.

"Carolyn," Madam looked her right in the eyes. "Are you pregnant?"

Carolyn's eyes widened. How could she have known? "I... I...."

"The nausea, missing class yesterday, and just the way you've been acting differently. I could tell something was up and I know my students very well, whether you can believe it or not. I may not act like I care in class, but I want you to know that I really do care about you and all my students. Now tell me the truth. Are you?" Madam was now holding Carolyn's hands with her own thin, wrinkled ones.

"Yes, Madam... And I don't know what to do." Carolyn started to break down. She could feel the tears rising and the lump forming in her throat.

Madam wrapped her thin arms around Carolyn's waist in a hug. "You are the only one who can make a decision like that." Madam concluded. "I can't tell you what to do. What I would suggest is getting the baby aborted because I do think you have a future as a professional ballet dancer. But this is your decision to make."

Carolyn nodded and Madam leaned in to kiss her lightly on the cheek. "Go. Go back to your dorm and think this over. If you ever want to talk to me about it, you're welcome to stay after class tomorrow as well or any other day, alright?"

Carolyn nodded again and thanked her as she quickly wiped away a stray tear from her cheek. This had turned into a bigger decision than she thought. And Andy still had no idea.


	8. Now or never

Absolutely no one could know about her little surprise now. She knew if word got out, she would be kicked out of the school indefinitely. Keeping it a secret was the best idea at the moment. It bought her some time to decide what she was going to do with the baby.

Only a week had gone by but Carolyn knew time was running out. She wasn't going to have forever to make a decision. Abort the baby and continue with school or keep the baby and destroy her future.

Carolyn decided that before she even made a drastic choice such as that, she had to call Andy and tell him. He deserved to know and maybe he could help her make up her mind.

She stood there in her small kitchen, the cellphone sitting in her shaking hands. She clicked on the contacts button and the first name on the list was Andy's. Just as she was about to press send, the door to her dorm room flew open and Melanie barreled in.

"Carolyn! I have great news!" Melanie exclaimed.

Carolyn pressed the red end button on her phone, locked the keyboard, and shoved it in her back pocket. It seemed Andy could wait.

"You got... the part... of Clara..." Melanie tried catching her breath between words.

Carolyn could feel tears sneaking their way up. Ever since she was a little girl, she always wanted to play the part of Clara in the Nutcracker. Now was her chance but by the time the Nutcracker rolled around, it would be too late. Everyone in the school would know about her pregnancy and she would be discharged.

Melanie saw the concerned look on Carolyn's face. "Why aren't you smiling? This is great news!"

Carolyn breathed deeply. "I..." She looked down at her stomach.

Melanie's mouth dropped open. "But you told me--"

"I know what I told you." Carolyn snapped, cutting her off.

"So you lied to me..." Melanie sounded upset.

"I honestly thought I would have resolved this already." Carolyn sounded frustrated. And she was. Melanie didn't understand how big of a decision this was to make.

"Does Andy know?" Melanie ironically asked.

Carolyn sighed. She had forgotten about Andy. She shook her head. "No, I was about to call him when you came running in."

"Call him. Now." Melanie urged.

Carolyn pulled out her phone and brought up his contact page again. This time she hit the green button and listened to each slow, painful ring. The anticipation was enough to make her drop dead.

_"Hello?"_ That deep voice was almost too seductive. He knew it was her.

"Andy, there's something I've been needing to tell you." Carolyn could hear the shakiness in her voice.

_"What is it? You sound scared. Is everything okay?"_

"Yeah, I just... I just found out I got the part of Clara in The Nutcracker." Carolyn informed.

_That's amazing! I'm so proud of you. I'll have to fly out and see you when--"_

"That's the thing, Andy. I can't be in the production because..." Here it was. The moment of truth. It was now or never. Just spit it out now while you're on a role. "I'm pregnant."

The line was silent for several minutes. Carolyn was sure Andy had hung up on her but when she looked, it said they were still connected.

"Andy?" She finally said.

He only had one other thing to say next and it completely shocked her. "You're not aborting that baby." And he hung up.


	9. Struggles

Not only was Carolyn having serious problems with the whole situation, Andy was also stressing out over it. He didn't want to come off as that father who refuses to give up his dream to take care of his child but Andy didn't want to stop being in the band either. He didn't know if there would be a way for him to do both. He knew Kellin Quinn seemed to be able to do it easily but his wife wasn't a talented, close to professional dancer either. Carolyn had so much going for her and he wanted her to be successful. But Andy knew the only way to do that was to do something else with the baby, whether it be have it and put it up for adoption or abort it know while they still had the chance. In a few weeks, it would be too late.

Andy had decided not to tell the other guys yet. He didn't want to burden them with worry because he knew how much he was worrying himself. He couldn't possibly throw that on the guys. They were home in LA and working on their next album. Working on an album is stressful enough.

The weeks were flying by and time was closing in on Carolyn. She knew that the time to make a decision was now or never but it was such a big choice to make. It was, in a sense, a life or death decision. Even though the baby had been conceived just a couple weeks ago, she was already feeling very sentimental towards him or her--which ever it may be. The thought of ending her child's innocent life was a thought that was overbearing to her mind. There are a lot of debates on whether the fetus is considered a living being or not. Choose what ever side you want but for Carolyn, as the mother carrying the baby, she saw it as killing her child. She wanted to be able to see it differently, but there just was no way.

She continued going to classes and talking with Madam Petrova but it still wasn't helping her decision making process. And Carolyn was the type of person who hated making decisions, even small ones like should we buy vanilla ice cream or chocolate. Even decisions like that stressed her out.

But then came a day where the decision had been made for her. Someone had spilled the beans. She was in Madam Petrova's class. It was obvious to many of the other students, mostly the girls, that Madam had been going really easily on Carolyn the past week or so.

The phone in the corner of the room rang and Madam Petrova hit the stop button on the stereo with her cane. She hurried as best she could over to the phone and answered with a skeptical "Hello?"  
No one usually called the dance studio, for they knew Madam Petrova would most likely carve their eyes out if they interrupted her class. She scared even the administration.

Madam nodded as the person on the other end continued talking. "Yes, I have her here. Would you like to see her?" Madam asked. She nodded once more and hung up the phone.

Carolyn could see a hint of sadness in her eyes. Madam walked over to where Carolyn stood and Carolyn began to get an uneasy feeling.

"The chancellor would like to speak with you, Carolyn. You better head over to his office right away." Madam gently squeezed Carolyn's hand and sent her off.

Carolyn stopped briefly in the dressing room to take off her shoes and change out of her dance clothes and into her street clothes. She didn't even need to wonder what this was about. She knew exactly what this was going to be about.


	10. What happened to you?

The hallway was dimly lit. Carolyn made her way past the small cubicles of various unimportant people as she walked to the end of the hallway where her fate would be decided. She knew this was about her pregnancy. The school had a strict policy about it, mostly because dancers weren't supposed to become pregnant. If you get pregnant, you can no longer dance, therefore they no longer need you. It seems someone had a big mouth and the rumor spread about campus.

Carolyn sat on the wooden bench next to the closed door and folded her legs, resting her bag on top. She looked around at the various cork boards scattered with flyers of all different kinds.

The door swung open and a boy stumbled out into the hallway with the chancellor, Mr. Nye, yelling something at him from inside the room.

The boy looked over at Carolyn and smirked. "Your turn." He said to her before walking off down the hallway.

Carolyn took the strap of her bag in both hands and cautiously stood up. She hung the strap on her shoulder and nervously made her way inside. Behind the big, oak desk, sat Mr. Nye. His desk was cluttered with all sorts of papers and various writing utensils.

"Close the door and have a seat, Carolyn." Mr. Nye ordered politely.

Carolyn nodded, closing the door behind her before sitting down in one of the plush leather chairs in front of the big desk.

Carolyn opened her mouth to speak but Mr. Nye beat her to it. "There's been a rumor going around school that you're pregnant, is this true?"

There it was. Hearing him ask her made it realer than it had been. And then she said "Yes, sir." Everything clicked into place. It had all become a reality.

Carolyn nodded, trying to hold back her tears. She didn't want to admit it to herself or the chancellor. She could have lied. She should have lied. It would have given her extra time to figure out what she was going to do. She could have confided in Madam. But then again, there was only so long she could hide it for.

"Yes, sir. I--" Carolyn began but he did't let her finish.

"You know there are serious consequences for breaking the rules, Carolyn. And I thought you were such a good girl. Your grades are magnificent, you're nice to all the students, your teachers highly respect you and now something like this happens and it pains me to have to do this. But, rules are rules. I'm going to need you to pack up your things and go home. You'll receive a refund on your expenses but you can't come back. You had one chance to give it your all. From what I heard from your teachers, you were really an excellent dancer. You had a bright future ahead of you." Mr. Nye was really trying hard to be lenient on Carolyn but her feelings were still slowly being crushed by the stones in his words.

She stood on shaky legs and said goodbye to Mr. Nye. She took the shameful walk back down the dimly lit hallway and through the spacious courtyard outside back to her dorm room where Melanie was waiting for her.

Melanie opened the door with a wide smile on her face. It quickly faded as she saw the melancholy look that masked Carolyn's usually gleeful expression. Carolyn pushed past Melanie to her room where she started dropping clothes into her suitcase, not even bothering to fold them.

Melanie appeared in the doorway and leaned against the frame. "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

Carolyn didn't stop packing. She didn't even look up. "Home." She simply stated.

Melanie hesitated. "Have you told Andy--"

"No." Carolyn said abruptly. She knew what Andy would say and then he would fly out and try to fix it. That's what Andy did. He tried to fix things. But Carolyn's life was becoming too broken to fix. Everything was falling apart. And she knew what she needed to do next before she left. Broadway would need to be erased from her life as well.


	11. If only

As if the crushing pain of being discharged from Juliard wasn't enough, Carolyn now had to confront Broadway. She stood outside on the sidewalk, gazing up at the big Broadway sign above the front part of the building. This was going to be it. This last conversation would be the downfall of her dream.

The cars zoomed past each other on the busy streets behind her as she breathed in deeply the smog filled air and let the breath out in a huff as she made her way inside the building. Oddly, it was colder inside than it was outside. The building must still be in it's transition from Summer weather to Fall weather, even though it was already the middle of October.

She walked down the aisle towards the director sitting in the front row, watching a few actors rehearse. She went and sat down next to him quietly. She would have hated to interrupt the rehearsal.

"Carolyn! You don't need to be here until tomorrow." The director said, picking up his clipboard off the floor by his feet.

"I know, I know." Carolyn said. "I just needed to tell you something important."

"Oh." The director looked puzzled. "What is it?"

Carolyn had been thinking of a way to put this without saying what actually was going on. She didn't want all of Broadway knowing she got pregnant because of a stupid mistake and now she was spiraling downwards through a tunnel of failure.

"A family emergency has come up and it requires that I go home for the rest of the school year. Which means, I unfortunately will not be able to be in the show any longer." Carolyn waited for her response. There was a long pause as the director appeared to be processing the information.

"I'm sorry to hear that." He stood up and so did Carolyn. "I want you to know that you're always welcome to come back for another audition when your family crisis is resolved. I think you are extremely talented. You're one of the best dancers I have come across in my thirty years as a director. I don't want you to give up. You were born to dance and I'm willing to help give you that opportunity that you deserve."

Ever since her pregnancy, everyone had been being so nice to her. It was strange. It was as if everyone knew but no one wanted to say that they knew. She never would have thought someone from Broadway would ever tell her she was talented or be willing to give her another chance after she dropped out of a show. Madam helped her through the scare early in the beginning and gave her support when the terror became reality. The director on Broadway was giving her a second chance. All she could do now was hope that the kindness wouldn't end when she got back home.

The next hurdle Carolyn would have to get over would be explaining to her father why she was home from college early. She figured the college would probably call him but whether they would tell him their reasoning or not was still a mystery. She wondered what her father would say and if he would be mad. Carolyn knew she had brought this all upon herself and her father shouldn't be mad. The only person who should be mad at her was herself.

Andy, on the other side of the country, still didn't know what was going on with Carolyn. He knew she was pregnant but he didn't know anything else. He didn't know if she had made a decision and if so what her choice had been. It was frightening. He would call constantly but she would never answer or return the phone call. He desperately wanted to see her but the problem was he didn't know where she was. Was she still at school? Was she at home with her dad? And the biggest problem of all was that the boys were going to Europe for a tour in less than two weeks. Once in Europe, he would have no way of contacting Carolyn. If only she would just call him.


	12. Home

Stepping onto that familiar brown, dying grass of her front lawn was the most heart wrenching thing she had ever done in her life. Home was supposed to be where the heart is. But her heart was still in New York, still on that stage.

She walked through the door and saw her father sitting at the kitchen table with his back turned to her. He was muttering something to himself while hunched over scattered paper all over the table.

The front door slammed shut behind her and her father turned at the sound. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes as he saw his daughter standing there in the living room. He didn't say anything. He just stood up and rushed over to his daughter, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. She didn't have to tell him what was wrong. It seemed he already knew.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered in her ear.

Carolyn smiled slightly as a tear rolled down her own cheek and splashed against her father's vest. She gripped him tighter and stayed silent. At this moment, silence was the best response.

"I'm going to bring my things to my room." She said after a few more moments of silent hugging. She never did realize how much she missed her father until she felt his strong arms console her weary body.

As Carolyn approached her room at the end of the hall, memories began to flood back into her mind. This room was where Andy and her first became close, shared secrets, had sex for the first time. There were so many memories locked away behind that oak door. That was the room where she first took a blade to her wrist, first went up on her pointe shoes; dyed them black out of rebellion, where she first noticed how nice the cemetery looked from the window when the sun hit it just right. This was the room where she wrote all her sorrows away. She always wrote so beautifully. Her mind was a terrible place to be.

She sat down on the bed and breathed in the old wood smell of her room. It had always been her favorite part of living in an old house. It didn't smell like other, new houses. It smelled like history, and memories. It smelled of joy and it smelled of sorrow. Each emotion trapped between the creaky floor boards.

As she allowed the sweet, serene silence to overcome her being, the phone rang. It was Andy. She debated with herself for a second too long when she realized she needed to stop doing this to him. He had to know the truth.

"Hello?"

 _Finally!_ He exclaimed. He sounded out of breath. _I'm on my way to see you now. I've been trying to call you for the past few weeks. What's going on? Is everything okay?_

"Andy... I'm not at school anymore. I--"

_What? Why not?_

"They discharged me. I'm not allowed to attend the school anymore. I kept the baby for you. I only wanted to make you happy."

That was the thing about Carolyn that Andy hated most of all. She was always giving and giving to other people and never cared about herself. He thought it was why she hated herself. He knew why she used to cut and even though she never said anything, he knew part of the reason was because she didn't care about herself at all.

 _I'm so sorry..._ Andy couldn't believe what he was hearing. She let her dream die for him. She let him ruin her entire life. And she didn't even seem to mind at all. Or she was just hiding it from him. Andy knew that if his dream had been ripped away from him like Carolyn's had, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. She was taking it all so professionally.

"I'm home now. If you want to see me, I'm at home."

_But what about Broadw--_

She cut the phone call and the line was filled with dead air. She didn't want to talk about Broadway. Her heart was already crumbling inside. She didn't want to break any further. There was only so much pain and disappointment she could take at one moment and she had never dealt with so much pain before; even when she used to cut.

It seemed it was settled. If Andy wanted to see her, he had to come to her. If he wanted to be around for his baby, that was his decision to make. She gazed out the window at the cemetery. She always felt safe there and decided maybe the spirits could help her ease her pain. She walked outside and into the fog. As soon as she stepped onto the dead ground, she didn't feel safe yet. She walked deeper into the cemetery and still felt uneasy. Her safe place no longer made her feel safe.


	13. Stupid mistakes

"Andy, you can't just leave. We have an album to record." Ashley was negotiating.

"My girlfriend and baby need me, Ashley. I can't just let Carolyn deal with this all on her own. It's my fault this happened. I need to own up to it." Andy reasoned. He knew that Carolyn's pregnancy was all his fault. He was the one who had wanted to do it in the first place. He was the reason her dream had come crashing down. It wasn't fair to her at all. "I'm going to see her. I'll be back as soon as I can."

He had no other choice. He was obligated to go and at least give Carolyn some emotional support. She had been through hell and back already. She was probably scared, upset and nervous. She had no mother to guide her through a pregnancy and no woman figure to help her along. All she had was her father and Andy.

It was going to be weird for Carolyn to see Andy again. She hadn't seen him since the day she found out she was pregnant and he still hadn't known at that point in time. More importantly, Carolyn was afraid of what her father was going to say to Andy.

There was a knock on the front door and Carolyn knew that the only person it could be was Andy. She opened the door to find herself being embraced by a strong pair of long, tattooed arms. She breathed in his leather jacket and felt his hands rub up and down her back. He breathed in the sweet smell of her hair and felt the small bump where her stomach was that would grow and grow as the months passed.

She didn't want to look into his eyes. She didn't want to look at his face. She just wanted to stay like that for a while. She wanted to be contained in his embrace until she felt it was safe to finally look him in the eyes. She knew deep down that none of this was her fault. It was all Andy. But she didn't want to admit to herself that the one person she learned to love was the reason behind her downfall. She wanted to blame it all on herself.

"Dad? Andy's here." Carolyn called out and her father appeared from the kitchen.

"Andy." He stated, glaring at him in his leather vest and tight black pants. "Carolyn, give Andy and I a moment, would you?"

Carolyn nodded and headed up to her room. She knew that shouting would ensue and she wanted to be as far away from it as possible.

Her father walked Andy over to the kitchen table and motioned to one of the wooden chairs. "Take a seat, son." He said as he took a seat at the table himself.

Andy sat down with Carolyn's father and braced himself for what was to come next. Andy had always known Carolyn's father to be a caring man. He always seemed very quiet and to himself.

"Listen, I'm sorry about--" Andy tried to apologize but Carolyn's father held his hand up and cut Andy off.

"You destroyed my child's dream." He said in a low, raspy voice. He sounded defeated but enraged at the same time. Andy wasn't sure what was to come next. "She has to throw her whole life away because of you." His voice raised to shouting and Andy's body was pressed back against the chair with just his words.

"James, please!" Andy begged. "I know what I did was wrong and I'm so--"

James stood up from the chair with such force that the chair stumbled over behind him. "Dancing was all that she had, Andy. That was it. I know she would have made it if it weren't for you to come along and screw up her whole life." He was practically in tears, still shouting at Andy. His hands gripped the edge of the table as he leaned towards Andy slightly to get his point across.

Andy backed his chair a bit and began to stand up as well. "I can fix this. I know I can. If you just give me a chance--"

"No." His voice trembled. "I think it's time for you to leave, Andy. You've done enough damage already. Carolyn can't afford to lose anything else."

Andy dropped his hands to his side and backed away from her father slowly. He wanted to say more. He wanted to keep apologizing for making such a stupid mistake. He wanted to be there for Carolyn. He wanted to be involved in his child's life. Because of his stupid mistakes, Andy wasn't going to be allowed to make any more stupid mistakes.


	14. Flight risk

“You know I can’t do this on my own, Dad. I need Andy.” Carolyn was desperately trying to convince her father that Andy wasn’t all bad. The whole situation was not strictly Andy’s fault. She had consented to the sex, after all.

“I will help you with the child. I already did it once before with your mother and helping to raise you all on my own after her death. I think I can manage another child. Besides, I want to be in my grandchild’s life as much as I possibly can.” Her father reasoned.

Carolyn rubbed her temples. He was clearly not seeing things from her perspective at all. He wasn’t understanding her. Carolyn’s mother spent her entire pregnancy with her husband, the father of the child. All Carolyn wanted was to do the same for her child. She wanted Andy to be in his or her life. Carolyn knew what it was like to grow up with a single parent. She didn’t want her child going through the same thing.

“Fine.” She dropped her arms to her side. “There’s no point in trying anymore anyway.” She turned around and walked away from him. She had never been so angry at her father before. In fact, she couldn’t remember a time she had ever been angry at him. He had always given her what she wanted and she never even wanted that much anyway. He always cared for her needs and helped her with her concerns. Now it seemed that he wouldn’t let her make a decision that was only hers to make, not his.

She stood in front of the mirror sideways, looking at her growing stomach. She smoothed her hand over her skin and looked down at the protrusion. This baby deserved to grow up with both parents and that was how it was going to be.

From underneath her bed, Carolyn pulled out an old suitcase and started filling it with things she would need. Anything else she couldn’t fit or didn’t need could be bought later on if she did need them. Her father wasn’t being fair to her or Andy and she knew that. This was her life, not his.

As soon as the light went off in her father’s room, Carolyn snuck down the stairs with her suitcase and out the door to where the taxi cab she called was waiting for her. She didn’t leave a note because she figured that her father didn’t deserve one after how he had treated them both. She got into the cab and let it take her to the airport where she’d catch the next flight to LA. She knew flying could be a risk, but it was a risk she was willing to take.

****

“Carolyn? Open up, please.” Her father knocked on her closed bedroom door. “I want to apologize for what I said to you and Andy. If you want him to come stay with us for a little while, that’s fine with me. I thought over what I said and I guess I just said what I did out of an impulse reaction to seeing Andy.” He waited a moment and listened for anything to give him a clue as to whether Carolyn was awake or not. “Carolyn?” He asked again when he heard no noise. He turned the door knob slowly and opened the door. The hinges squeaked as the door opened to reveal an empty room.

He frantically searched her drawers and called out her name but there was no response. Carolyn was gone.


	15. Only got 20 dollars in my pocket

"Excuse me, miss?" The flight attendant stopped next to Carolyn's seat on her way down the aisle. "You really shouldn't be flying while you're pregnant."

"Oh, I'm not pregnant." Carolyn responded quickly.

The flight attendant eyed her suspiciously. "Miss, I've been in this business long enough to recognize when a woman is pregnant and when she's just fat."

Carolyn looked down at her bulging stomach. "You don't understand." She looked back up at the flight attendant. "I need to get to LA."

The flight attendant shrugged. "Why can't you take the train?"

Carolyn grabbed the woman's hand and pulled her closer. The woman knelt down next to Carolyn so she was eye level with her. "I need to get to LA tomorrow. Plane is the only way. You can't kick me off. I need to get out of here."

The flight attendant sighed. "Okay." She agreed. "You can stay. But you're flying at your own risk."

Carolyn sat back in her seat and relaxed her body as the plane began to move and eventually lifted off the ground and rose higher and higher into the air. In about four hours, she would be in LA.

****

The problem with LA was that she didn't know where Andy lived exactly. She knew where his recording studio was. She had looked it up before she left. But Andy had never made it clear where he actually lived. LA was a huge city and the chances of finding him was slim to none.

She walked along the busy, lit up streets. It was getting late out and she figured the studio would be closed by now. She couldn't just go and ask for Andy's address. They would think she was a mad woman.

The sights and sounds were similar to New York, and it made her miss New York even more than she thought she did. The sound of car horns and people hailing taxi cabs, the lights all looked the same, the buildings were tall and the air was filled with smog. She missed New York. She missed Julliard. She missed Broadway. After this baby, she was determined to make a come back.

She passed many hotels as she wandered the streets of LA. She passed by a big, gold hotel with green awnings. It was magnificent. Right next to it was a theater. On the big illuminated sign out front, it read _The Los Angeles Ballet presents: Swan Lake_

Carolyn couldn't pass up an opportunity to see Swan Lake in Los Angeles. Swan Lake was her favorite ballet. She had to see it. She never did get the opportunity to be in Swan Lake, and she thought maybe she could get by for now by just watching it.

She stopped by inside to buy two tickets, one for her and one for Andy. Even if he didn't want to go, she bought him a ticket anyway, just in case. After purchasing her tickets, she tucked them inside her bag in a safe place where they wouldn't be misplaced. Her only problem now was finding somewhere to stay. With little money in her pocket, she didn't know if she could even afford a hotel room for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for keeping you guys waiting with an update! I keep forgetting about this site because I'm on at least 5 different sites that I post to and a lot of my stories on here are not up to date so I'm going to try and get all my stories up to date so you guys can be up to date with everyone else and also so I can keep remembering to keep posting chapters on here.


	16. It's time

"No, I don't want to go to a stupid ballet with you. What made you think I would actually want to go to that?" Andy threw his leather jacket onto the couch and stormed into the bedroom.

Carolyn really didn't know how to react. She picked his jacket off the couch and carried it into the bedroom with her. "Did you have a bad day at the studio?" She asked, trying to discover the source of his sour mood.

"I'm not in the mood to talk about it." He laid down on the bed and turned his back to her.

Carolyn grimaced, placed the jacket on a hanger in the closet, and then made her way out of the room, closing the door behind her. Andy was obviously not in the best mood and she didn't know how to make it better. She sighed, slipping on her shoes and jacket, and started towards the door.

"Well, I'll be back later, Andy." She called to him but received no response in return. She shook her head in disappointment and headed off to the theater by herself. A heavily pregnant woman wandering the streets of LA alone at night wasn't the best idea, but Andy and Carolyn were full of unreasonable ideas.

Aside from Andy not being with her, she had been enjoying her time alone. But it brought her a sense of sadness. She touched her stomach, thinking, if I had decided not to have you, I could be up on that stage doing what I love.

She felt the baby kick a little, and smiled. But then she felt water rushing out of her all of a sudden, and her eyes grew wide. Her water broke in the middle of the ballet.

The woman sitting next to her noticed, and helped her out into the lobby where she called an ambulance to come pick her up.

"Is you boyfriend or husband here with you?" The woman asked, holding Carolyn's hand as the cramps began to contract in her stomach.

Carolyn shook her head, writhing at the pain. "My boyfriend, yes, he's at home." She said.

The woman took out her phone again. "What's his number? I'll call him and alert him that you've gone into labor. I know he wouldn't want to miss the birth of his child."

Carolyn gave Andy's number to the woman, and squeezed her eyes shut as another set of contractions hit her.

"Hello? Yes, I'm calling to inform you that your girlfriend is currently going into labor." The woman on the phone informed.

[i]What?![/i] Andy shouted so loud that even Carolyn could hear him through the phone.

"I've already called an ambulance and she'll be headed to Good Samaritan Hospital. I suggest you meet her there." The woman told Andy.

The ambulance arrived and the woman stayed with Carolyn until she was placed into the ambulance. "Your boyfriend said he's on his way to the hospital right now. He'll meet you there. Good luck, dear! And congratulations!"

At that moment in time, Carolyn didn't care about anything except for getting this child out of her stomach. The time had come and it was an extremely painful time. She just wanted Andy to be by her side, holding her hand, and telling her that everything would be okay.

She closed her eyes, and listened to the screams of the sirens as the ambulance raced down the street to get her to the hospital as soon as possible.

"Carolyn! Carolyn, it's me, Andy! I'm right here!" He called to her as she was being removed from the back of the ambulance. He grabbed onto her hand and rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. "It'll be over soon. I'm right here."


	17. Aria

Squeezing Andy's hand wasn't enough to get her through the amount of pain she was currently suffering through. If she had known that having a child would be this intense, she never would have done it.

"Okay, Carolyn. We need you to start pushing, okay? Just a little bit." The nurse looked into Carolyn's eyes with her own sympathetic ones. It was as though the nurse could feel the amount of pain she was in just by watching the sweat drip down her furrowed brow.

Carolyn squeezed Andy's hand as tight as she possibly could as she pushed a little as the nurse instructed.

Andy's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open at how strong Carolyn actually was. He never knew she could squeeze his hand that hard.

"Keep going! You're doing great, hun!" The nurse encouraged.

At the time, the encouragement didn't seem very useful. All she really cared about was bringing this child into the world and getting it out of her womb. It had spent nine long months in there. She was ready to see her baby.

"One more big push!" The nurse cheered.

Carolyn squeezed her eyes shut and murdered Andy's hand as she gave it her last final push. She heard small cries as she looked up to see the doctor holding her baby in her hands.

"It's a beautiful little girl!" The doctor exclaimed. One of the nurses gave Andy the tool to cut his daughter's umbilical cord and Carolyn watched with tear filled eyes.

The nurses took her daughter away to be washed off and swaddled in blankets. Andy returned to his seat by Carolyn's head and held her hand while they waited.

The nurse returned with their baby wrapped in her arms, and she handed her off to Carolyn. Carolyn gazed at her daughter's adorable scrunched up face.

"Welcome to the world, lovely." She said, kissing her daughter's flaky skin.

"So," Andy said. "What should we name her? I know we haven't thought much about names."

"Aria." Carolyn confirmed. "I want her name to be Aria."

Andy nodded. "Aria Biersack. I like it."

The small baby in Carolyn's arms laughed and smiled up at her parents. "It seems she likes it, too." Andy commented.

****

The day had finally come for Andy and Carolyn to take Aria home with them. It had been a long haul for the two of them, but nothing was to become more difficult than raising this child. She screamed all night long, and the two of them took turns on waking up to care for her. It got to a point where neither parent could stand it any longer. They were both exhausted, Andy hadn't been to the studio in weeks, and Carolyn was so tired, she could barely stay awake when Andy did have to leave the house.

One morning, there was a knock on their apartment door. Andy was out at the studio and Carolyn was left at home alone with the baby. She wandered down the hall and opened the door to reveal her father standing in the doorway.

"Rumor has it, I have a granddaughter?" He smiled, opening his arms for his daughter and embracing her in a hug.

"Dad!" Carolyn gripped her father tightly. As she held onto her father, and breathed in his familiar scent, she instantly regretted every decision she had made when it came to leaving the house without him knowing. "You're not mad at me?" She pulled away and looked at his aged face.

He shook his head. "I could never be mad at my only daughter." He smiled, wiping away a tear from her face. "Now, where is that beautiful grandchild of mine? You look like you could use some rest."

Carolyn felt a wave of relief wash over her. She led her father into the baby's room which was originally the guest room. "Dad, this is your granddaughter, Aria."

"Aria, eh?" He peered down at the infant. "She looks just like her mother." He commented, reaching into the crib and picking up the baby.

With her father settled with Aria, Carolyn trudged towards the bedroom, passing the full length hallway mirror on her way. She glanced at the mirror but backtracked when she didn't recognize the zombie staring back at her.

Carolyn was shocked by her appearance. Her hair was tangled, her makeup was smeared, her clothes were disheveled and she had clearly gained some weight since the baby. She lifted up her shirt and stood sideways, running her hand over her somewhat flattened, wrinkled stomach. Andy would never want her looking like this. She had to do something to get rid of this fat.

She shook her head, put her shirt down and continued to the bedroom. She'd deal with her life when she was finally caught up on sleep. For now, her father was in control. She wouldn't have had it any other way.


	18. Yes, but what a shame

A few weeks had passed since Aria had joined the world and Andy couldn't have been more satisfied with how his life was going. The band was making new music and planned to have an album be released soon. Carolyn's father had apologized and the two had made up. And now, he had a beautiful daughter to hold, and teach the ways of rock and roll.

As hard as Carolyn tried, she couldn't seem to be completely happy. She was so glad that Aria was healthy and just as beautiful as her father. She was happy that Andy was home to be with their daughter. Everything was falling into place, except one aspect of her life that was still off. She needed to dance. Without dance in her life, she was lost. She didn't know where her life was headed and her brain twisted into knots of confusion without dance to clear and ease her mind.

Andy was in the kitchen feeding Aria with a bottle and her dad was sitting at the island, reading the newspaper as he normally would if he were at home. Carolyn stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom, clad in all her dance clothes. Her hair was up in a tight bun, her leotard was black and cinched around her waist was a pink ballet skirt. Her legs were covered in pink tights and stuck on her feet were a pair of Vans because she didn't want to get her ballet shoes ruined in the street. Today was the day to start looking for auditions.

Carolyn sighed, before breaking her gaze from the mirror and swinging her dance bag over her shoulder. She entered the hallway and slowly approached the kitchen, hoping no one would spot her leaving.

"Carolyn," Her dad spoke, not even taking a five second glance her way. He just had that fatherly instinct programmed into his senses. "Where are you going?"

Carolyn looked back at her father and then over to Andy with Aria in his arms. "An audition..." She admitted, hanging her head.

"You're leaving me to take care of this baby all by myself?" Andy gaped.

Carolyn slumped her shoulders, letting her bag fall to the floor. "You both know that I need to start up again and try to find work."

"I'm making enough money to support all of us." Andy objected.

Carolyn was taken aback by Andy's comment. She figured of all people, he would understand how much her dancing meant to her. "This isn't all about you, Andy." She snapped back. "I want to work. I want to dance. It's what I was born to do."

Andy handed Aria off to Carolyn's father and stepped closer to Carolyn. "Really? It's all about me?" He kept walking forward, causing her to involuntarily step back. "Because, I don't know if you noticed, but we have a four week old baby now. It's not all about you either, Carolyn."

Aria started to whimper in her grandfather's arms as Andy's shouting got louder. Carolyn sympathized with her daughter. Andy's shouting made her want to cry as well. She had never seen him so angry before.

"Go to your audition, Carolyn." Her father interrupted. "We'll talk through this later."

Carolyn whipped around and stormed out of the apartment. She couldn't believe Andy. He should have understood her passion for her career. He had the same passion for his music. All she wanted to do was take advantage of her father's presence for the mean time so she could go out and snag a contract with a ballet company. She knew it would be a lot of work and long hours, but she thought maybe she could compromise with the company director. Maybe.

****

"Stop, stop." The director held up his hand and stopped the music.

Carolyn slumped down and rested her hands on her knees, looking up into the bright stage lights. Her face glistened with sweat and her body and feet ached from the amounts of stress she was enforcing.

She watched the two artistic directors whisper to one another before the head director looked back at Carolyn's anxious face.

"Well, darling, I'm going to be completely honest with you." He began. "Your body, it's just... It's not in ballerina shape. Your stomach appears very bloated. It's a wonder how you get up on pointe with that core. Your technique is sloppy and you really need to work on placing your arms."

"I can do better." She confirmed. "Just let me--"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, we just don't have time for this. Improve your skill and lose the belly fat and come back and talk to us."

Carolyn shook her head as she turned and walked off the stage. That was a complete waste of her time and now she felt like complete shit. She tried to blink back the tears but let them fall onto the dusty floor anyway. It was no use. The had already torn her pride, dignity, and confidence to shreds. There was nothing left. She had gone from being the best dancer at Julliard with a bright future, to a poor, pathetic dancer with nothing left but a pair of worn down pointe shoes.


	19. Impulse

After hearing the harsh words of the dance directors, Carolyn couldn't help but start to notice every little thing they pointed out. She stood in front of the mirror and grabbed her stomach, squeezing the fat that had formed from having Aria. She pinched her now forming love handles and let her hands travel down towards her thighs.

The sound of Aria crying in the next room shook Carolyn from her thoughts and pulled her away from the mirror. She could stand there all day and grimace at the unsightly shape of her body.

When she walked into Aria's room, Andy was already there, picking up his daughter and snuggling her against his chest. He turned when he heard the door hinges creak.

"Oh, hey." He said. "Don't worry about it, I got her."

Carolyn forced a small smile and walked towards him. She stroked Aria's black hair and kissed the top of her head.

"How did the audition go?" Andy asked, rubbing small circles on Aria's back.

Carolyn stepped back and folded her arms across her chest. "I'd rather not talk about it."

Andy put Aria down in her crib. "Come on, what happened?" Andy wrapped his arms around Carolyn from behind and held her close to him.

She struggled out of Andy's grasp. She didn't want him to feel the difference in her body shape. What if he didn't love her anymore after that?

"Whoa, babe, what's going on?" Andy sounded surprised at Carolyn's rough tug away from him.

"I told you I don't want to talk." She snapped back at him. She realized quickly that she had hurt his feelings when his facial expression melted into a look of misfortune and Aria began crying again. "I'm sorry," She apologized. "I'm sorry..." She backed up a few steps and then turned, running out of her room and into the bathroom.

"Carolyn, wait!" Andy called to her but she didn't stop. She ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut.

She looked at her body in the mirror and grabbed her stomach again, looking down at the fat that seemed to bulge out. She fell to her knees in front of the toilet and impulsively shoved two fingers down her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you guys are now all caught up! I don't have a new chapter written yet and I know this one was rather cliff hangerish but you have quite a few chapters to keep you busy in the mean time. :)


	20. Just say no

Carolyn awoke to the smell of bacon sizzling in the pan on the stove top, and as she followed the smell out to the kitchen, she heard Andy quietly singing her song, Carolyn, to himself as he flipped the pancakes over in the pan. A floor board creaked beneath her foot and Andy looked up.

"Oh," He said, noticing her standing there shyly behind the counter. "You're awake! Well... I was hoping to bring this to you in bed, but I guess this works, too." He admitted.

She sat down on a stool as Andy placed a plate of all her favorite breakfast foods in front of her and a glass of orange juice on the side. She couldn't help but look at it and grimace. "What's all this for?" She asked, curious.

Andy turned the stove off and looked at her again. "Well... I noticed you had been having a rough couple days recently, and I just thought you deserved a nice breakfast. I know it's your favorite meal of the day and I wanted to do something special for you."

Carolyn smiled weakly. "Andy..." She trailed. "Thank you, but... I'm not hungry..." She said hesitantly and watched Andy's smile fade.

He was silent for a moment, and then smiled again, laughing. "You're kidding, right? You're always starving when you wake up in the morning." But her eyes said otherwise. He took the hint, and the plate back with it. "Then... What am I supposed to do with all this food? I mean, I guess I could invite the guys over but... I thought we could have a special breakfast together, just you and me while Aria is still asleep. We haven't had a lot of alone time together lately. And... I miss that."

She couldn't bear to see him so hurt. "Andy, I know, I'm sorry." She pleaded. "I'm just... not feeling like myself lately."

"Whatever..." Andy rolled his eyes and turned away from her. His anger with her was growing increasingly. He tried to understand where she was coming from, but he had gotten up early in the morning to start making breakfast for her so that she would have a nice meal when she woke up. He knew she was always hungry when she woke up in the morning and it wasn't like her to turn down breakfast like that. He had spent hours preparing this, just to have her say no. And as much as he hated to admit it to himself, he was hurt.

The sound of Aria crying made Carolyn's head turn in the direction of her room. She rose from the stool. "I'm going to take Aria for a walk." She said, and turned in the direction of her room to tend to her daughter.

Carolyn couldn't believe she had lied to Andy like that. She could see how hurt he was, and she should have just eaten what he had offered her. But the voices of the directors rang through her head accompanied by a darker voice that demanded she refuse, even though her stomach was as flat and empty as could be. She wasn't sure what to do now. She needed to get her body back to the way it was, and the only way she could think was to listen to that voice in her head. That voice knew what was best. The directors knew what they were talking about. Eating all those carbs and fat would have just added to the fat that was already disgracing her body. She couldn't afford anymore.

No.


	21. I'll make you feel beautiful once again

As she walked down the sidewalk with Aria giggling in the stroller, Carolyn couldn't help but notice the empty feeling in her stomach as it growled at her to fill it. She needed a distraction or some kind of adrenaline rush to take away from the thoughts of her hunger. She knew the more she thought about it, the harder it would be to ignore it.

"Carolyn?" The sound of her name caught her attention and drew away from her hunger thoughts.

"Dad!" Carolyn exclaimed, embracing her father. "I was wondering where you had gone off to."

He gazed at his daughter and then let his eyes travel to his beautiful baby granddaughter smiling up at him in the stroller. Her jet black hair was growing in quickly. "I just went for a small walk. Having this little one around has been making me think of your mother. I miss her..." He trailed off.

Carolyn nodded sympathetically. "Me too, dad."

"You and Andy haven't had much time together lately, have you?" Her father was quick to change the subject. Dwelling on the thought of his deceased wife caused him pain, even after all these years of her being gone, and he wanted to live in the now.

"Well, I mean... Not really, I guess..." Carolyn admitted, yet she was afraid she knew what her father was going to say.

"Let me take Aria off your hands for a little while. You two deserve some time alone." He offered and Carolyn's fear had come to life.

"Dad, you really don't have to--" But before she could even object, he was taking control of the stroller and had begun walking away from his daughter.

"Oh." He stopped himself and turned around, slipping Carolyn a couple twenties. "You kids go have some fun, on me. Alright?"

Carolyn sighed. "Alright, fine." She shook her head and turned around counting out the money before slipping it into her jeans pocket. Her father had always been so good to her. He always had given her everything, without expecting anything in return.

***

Andy was in the kitchen staring into the refrigerator when Carolyn walked in. He broke his eternal gaze from the nearly empty fridge and looked up, smiling weakly at his seemingly tired girlfriend. "You're back!" He tried to show his excitement, though she wasn't being very responsive. Then he noticed she had returned empty handed. "Where... is our child?"

"What?" Carolyn asked, returning to reality. "Oh, she's with my father. He gave me this." She pulled out the money he had given to her. "Told me we needed to have a good time."

"Well," Andy walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "He was certainly right." He kissed her temple but she still remained unresponsive.

She liked having Andy touch her and kiss her but she was still afraid he would notice the differences in her body. She was still afraid he wasn't going to like her anymore. "Do you love me?" She asked without thinking.

Andy turned her around so she was facing him. "Of course I do." He smiled, leaning towards her lips.

She followed suit and let him kiss her for what felt like the first time in forever. She forgot how much she had loved the way he kissed her. As his lips began to move faster, his hands traveled down her back. He grabbed her ass and pushed her body closer against his own. The fear in her mind began to drown as he breathed against her neck.

His hands moved up to her waist as he started to walk her backwards towards the couch. As soon as the back of her knees hit the cushions she sat down and watched Andy crawl on top of her, never taking his eyes off hers. He was so sensual in the way he moved when he was turned on. He was making her forget. He was making her feel beautiful once again.

He began to back off of her but his lips drew her back up and towards him. They sat, lips locked and her hand curved around the back of his neck, pulling his face even closer to her own. She felt as though they could be closer, even though there was no possible way they could ever get closer than their heated bodies already were.

As his tongue slid deeper into her mouth, his hands began to roam again. He let his hand find her breast and he squeezed gently as he bit down on her lip, making her moan slightly. He smiled into the kiss as he knew he was pleasuring her. All he wanted to do was make her feel good. He wanted to make her feel special. He stopped squeezing and quickly his hand found the bottom of her shirt. His fingers fumbled a bit with the bottom but then found their way under her t-shirt. He felt her skin and her stomach muscles tighten at his touch.

"Stop." She pulled away from him, clutching the part of her stomach that he had grazed against.

He pulled his hand back and looked at her pained face. "Are you alright?"

"I think we should stop." She said, sitting back against the couch cushions.

Andy looked at her with confusion, but she refused to look at him. "Did I hurt you? Are you okay?" He was concerned with her sudden halt. He really thought she had been enjoying herself.

"I'm sorry..." She shook her head, still looking down at her lap. "I just can't do this right now. I don't want you to feel how ugly I am."


	22. Gone girl

A couple weeks had gone by since Andy and Carolyn's intimate incident. They hadn't talked about what happened and frankly, Carolyn would rather just forget it altogether. She wouldn't even let Andy sleep in bed with her anymore. She was making him sleep on the couch, which he found odd but did it for her.

Andy was beginning to see a change in Carolyn and he was growing more and more worried as the days went by. He could tell she wanted so desperately to be in control of herself when really, her whole life had spiraled down away from her and all control she had on her fate had been flushed down the toilet with her undigested food she kept throwing up. Although, Andy didn't know this; at least for now he didn't. Would he ever?

Carolyn was changing her daughter and was searching through piles of clothes but it seemed everything she tried to put Aria in was too small. She groaned, picking up her quickly growing child and bouncing her in her arms.

She walked out into the hallway and ran into Andy. He smiled down at her. "We should do something today!." He exclaimed. "You haven't been out of the house in weeks and I think it would be nice for us all to go out somewhere. Don't you think?"

"Actually," Carolyn began, switching Aria to her other side. "We need to go shopping. She's grown out of everything."

"Great!" Andy was excited to finally get Carolyn out into the sunlight again. "I'll drive." He grabbed the keys off the kitchen counter and was out the door.

Carolyn smiled weakly at Andy's eagerness to take her out. He had always been so good to her and she never understood why. What had she ever done for him that allowed her to deserve the treatment she had been getting? She did nothing for him and he had given her everything she had ever wanted.

****

The store was rather busy for a Tuesday morning but Carolyn tried not to think too much of it. She held Andy's hand and pushed Aria around in the stroller with the other, glancing at items here and there as she passed by.

"This is cute, don't you think?" She held up a tiny t-shirt with a ballerina on it.

Andy crossed his arms over his chest. "Ballerinas? Really?"

"What?" Carolyn sounded offended. "She's my little baby ballerina."

Andy shook her off. "Whatever, Carolyn. You're the mother. Buy her whatever you want. I'm gonna go look around."

Carolyn grimaced as she watched Andy saunter off to explore the rest of the department store. She was rather hurt by his comment about the ballerina shirt. She didn't understand what was getting him so uptight about ballet. He knew ballet was always her dream and he had always supported her on it until now. She didn't understand. Ballet wasn't hurting him, was it? Or was it hurting her?

  
Aria started to whimper and Carolyn soothed her by smoothing her hand over the soft black hair growing on her head. "No, no, shh." She hummed. She grabbed a few more things on her way to the front of the store to check out. Aria had clearly had enough for one day and that was Carolyn's cue to head home. If Aria had had enough, so had Carolyn.

The girl at the register looked to be no older than seventeen with purple braces and a few zits plastered on her face. Her black glasses framed her sad looking eyes and Carolyn couldn't help but notice the Black Veil Brides t-shirt she was wearing as her items were being rung up.

"Nice shirt." Carolyn complimented.

The girl looked up at Carolyn. "Thanks..." She trailed off and continued ringing up items.

"I used to really like them when I was your age, too." Carolyn continued.

"Cool." The girl stated.

Andy ran up next to Carolyn holding up a Batman logo tee he had found in the clearance section of Men's. "Babe, please." He begged. "It's the last one."

Carolyn let out a breathy laugh. "Alright." She shrugged and he placed the t-shirt down on the table.

The young girl's sad eyes brightened at the sight of Andy. "You're... You're..." She tried to speak but became lost.

"Nice shirt." Andy complimented the way Carolyn had earlier.

The girl stared at Andy with her mouth half way open and her eyes wide. Andy began to feel uncomfortable. "So..." He attempted to get the girl to finish their transaction so they could get out of the store.

"Right," The girl said, focusing back on the computer screen. "Your total is 138.47"

"Fuck." Carolyn muttered under her breath as she swiped her card.

The girl pressed some button on her screen and looked at Carolyn from over her glasses. "Sorry, you're card is being declined. Is there another card you can use?"

"Shit..." Carolyn began digging through her bag trying to find some money but she came up empty.

Andy stepped in front of her with his fancy Amex card in his hand. "I got it."

"And go ahead and sign here." The girl pointed to the small screen. "And then sign here..." She slid a blank piece of receipt tape towards him from across the counter.

Andy chuckled and signed the piece of paper for her. She took it back and folded it up, sticking it in her back pocket. "Alright, you're all set." She passed the bag over to Andy. "Have a good day, Andy!" She exclaimed as he began walking out with Carolyn.

"Seeing you was the most excited she sounded the whole time I was up there." Carolyn observed, putting Aria in her car seat.

"I have that affect on people." He flipped his imaginary long hair.

Carolyn rolled her eyes and got into the passengers side. She loved Andy and there was no one else in the world she could imagine being with. But her demons were growing too strong. Her stomach growled, crying out to her and begging her to fill it with food. She was changing. She wasn't the Carolyn anyone knew anymore. Carolyn was gone.

 


	23. 3 A.M.

Andy approached a red light and turned to look at Carolyn. Her skin was pale and delicate, her cheeks were thinning and her eyes looked as though they were caving in on themselves. Carolyn was sick, but with what was beyond anything Andy could guess.

"You look beautiful." He said, taking her hand and focusing his attention back on the road as the light turned green.

"I don't," She shook her head and tried to pull her hand away from his touch but he held on firmly. "But thanks anyway..." Carolyn turned her attention to the back seat where their daughter was. "She's sound asleep." Carolyn observed out loud.

"I have an idea." Andy said, giving her hand a slight squeeze. "We drop her off at home with your dad and you and I go out for a night together. We can get dinner and just go out and adventure. We're still young, and having a kid now has made us act so much older than we really are."

Andy had a point. Carolyn couldn't remember the last time she had fun since getting pregnant with Aria. All her attention ever went into was her dancing or her daughter; and now, her appetite.

"Let's just go out to a bar or something, get some good food in us, get super wasted and stay out until 3 am on the city street." Andy's words sounded like music to her ears, all except the too sharp note that made the melody sting in her ears and that was 'dinner'. Food. It was her biggest enemy and had been for 3 months. She was starving and food was all she really wanted but she couldn't. Eating equals fat.

"Okay, that sounds fun." She agreed, even though her mind was screaming, crying out to her not to.

***

Andy quietly hummed along to the soft music drifting from the stereo of the somewhat chilled car. Carolyn had her forehead pressed up against the cool glass and tried to ignore the fact that they were on their way to a restaurant to eat.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Andy asked suddenly.

Carolyn lifted her head from the window and could still feel a cool oval on her forehead from the window. "Yeah." She stated simply.

Andy shrugged and shook his head slightly. "I feel like I lost you somewhere along the way, Carolyn. Ever since Aria and that audition, I feel like I've just lost you in the sea of all the things happening in our lives."

Carolyn turned her attention back to the window and the city rolling by her. "I lost myself a long time ago." She said.


End file.
